3/4 January 2025, 4 Tevet 5785

There is a line in this week’s portion that moves me every time I read Parashat Vayigash, which is usually at this time of year.

וְלֹֽא־יָכֹ֨ל יוֹסֵ֜ף לְהִתְאַפֵּ֗ק לְכֹ֤ל הַנִּצָּבִים֙ עָלָ֔יו
וַיִּתֵּ֥ן אֶת־קֹל֖וֹ בִּבְכִ֑י וַיִּשְׁמְע֣וּ מִצְרַ֔יִם וַיִּשְׁמַ֖ע בֵּ֥ית פַּרְעֹֽה:

Joseph could not restrain himself in the presence of all the people standing around him… He broke out into loud weeping; the Egyptians heard it and all Pharaoh’s household heard it as well.

We see the emotional fragility of Joseph as he encounters his brothers again. The complexity of what he feels for family breaks his heart open and he literally can’t control himself.

I think about this at these moments when families gather. This time of year can be wonderful but also challenging. One is either celebrating the surfeit of family ease and connection, or perhaps grieving its deficit. Sometimes it’s a combination of both, as Joseph seems to be experiencing. You can’t always be at ease with the family you inherit. You can’t always be just angry or just loving.

So many – including those among us – have complicated familial stories that make times of enforced togetherness all the more complicated. Some create new family with friends as well as relatives – that’s what the biblical Joseph did with Asenath in his new home of Egypt, even as he longed for his family of origin.

The writer Armistead Maupin wrote;

Sooner or later, though, no matter where in the world we live, we must join the diaspora, venturing beyond our biological family to find our logical one, the one that actually makes sense for us.

Logical Family: A Memoir, Transworld 2017

I’ve seen our synagogue community offer that logical family to many who walk through our doors.

This Shabbat, we celebrate our Emeritus Rabbi Frank Hellner and Valerie Boyd-Hellner as they mark special birthdays with much family around them – the 6 children they share, who grew up here at FPS, and multiple grandchildren, daughters- and sons-in-law. It will be, I imagine, a precious reunion with only happy tears, unlike Joseph’s.

Frank and Valerie have probably become logical family for many in our congregation over the years, which is of course a deep expression of love.

All are warmly encouraged to join us on Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rebecca